


A Place to Call Home

by Voido



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Confession, Dating, Fluff, Love, M/M, Realizations, besties, i dont even know, i had to do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 21:43:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13667880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Voido/pseuds/Voido
Summary: Ryuji finally gets a date.It doesn't go the way he thought it would.





	A Place to Call Home

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe I'm not even finished with the game? Hooooly moly these boys are all I needed in my life (and should have never found because the feels are ENDLESS).  
> It's kind of ridiculous the game doesn't allow you to date the perfect fit, but hey, that's what the fans are for, riiite.

“I'm rooting for you.”

The smile on Akira's face was small but genuine, and only caused Ryuji's grin to go wider. Café Leblanc was filled with the lovely smell of the only coffee worthwhile to drink in the world, although it still didn't mean that iced chocolate wouldn't always be his first choice.

“Thanks, man! I can't _believe_ she said yes!”

For a split second, Ryuji felt dumb for saying it out loud. Wasn't it rather embarrassing that it had taken him so long to finally get a date with an interesting girl? Luckily though, he didn't mind being himself and admitting his failures and weaknesses towards Akira, so he brushed it off rather quickly and took another sip from his mug.

“You know, now we only need to find you someone, too!”

“I'm really not interested, Ryuji.”

Even though Akira always played it down like this, there was no way he was serious about it, right? How could dating not be one of the most interesting things to him? Ryuji never got it out of his mind!

“Yeah, yeah. You say that now! I can see right through you, man!”

It was a rather calm Saturday evening, and the last day of their summer vacation, excluding the obvious Sunday. Even though he always did his best to pretend he was too cool to be nervous, having his best friend around before the date immensely helped him ease his mind and relax. It was alright to be a bit anxious, wasn't it? After all, this was his first proper date, and other than going to the movie theater, they hadn't planned anything for it yet. Who knew if they'd even get along? They hadn't talked _that_ much before in school. Although he really didn't want to doubt it working out…

“You should get going, unless you want to be late.”

He looked up from the counter, totally having forgotten about the time, and jumped up, grin still wide and his mind focused on not making any mistakes tonight. It was his big chance after all!

“You're a life-saver, Akira. I'll let you know how it was afterwards!!”

Waving, but without looking back, Ryuji sprinted out of the café to go catch the train. Shibuya wasn't too far away, but it wouldn't hurt to be a little early for once in his life, right? Just not too early, so he wouldn't have much time to get nervous.

 

The whole central street was _packed_ when he arrived, and Ryuji silently thanked Akira for basically throwing him out a bit earlier than necessary, so that now, he still had enough time to find his date before the movie would start.

Eventually, he decided to send a text message saying that he was right next to the entrance, with a sloppy description of his clothes. Him always wearing light, jazzy-colored clothes came in handy at times like these, and helped them find each other just in time.

“Oh, Ryuji! Hey.”

“Kimiko! Ho, that's a nice dress there!”

She snickered a bit before pointing towards the entry.

“I think we're almost late, aren't we?”

He nodded, smirking a bit now. It was nice to not be the only one late for a change. They would definitely get along well, simply because they were so alike. Both a bit clumsy, loud and extraordinary. It undoubtedly made them stand out, but that was alright. Keeping quiet had never been a strength of Ryuji's, so he welcomed this opportunity to be himself.

“Right! Let's head in!”

 

Even though the movie had been good and they got along well enough, Ryuji still found it terribly hard to open up to Kimiko, even when they decided to grab something to eat afterwards. Was he imagining things or did she expect him to do something special? He didn't know the first thing about dating, and somehow this pressure of probably doing something wrong felt weird, to say the least.

“Are you alright?”

He shook his head lightly, not to negate the question, but to clear his mind from the trance he had just been in.

“Sorry, still a bit dizzy from the switch from dim to bright.”

She chuckled and nodded before facing her food again and chattering on. Maybe just going along with it was the best thing he could do. After all, he _was_ having fun, right? It was not what he would expect a date to be like, but also not like they were boring each other to the bone. This was alright. He simply needed to give it time.

That, however, didn't change the fact that he found himself occasionally forgetting who he was here with, turning his head just a slight bit to where his best friend would usually sit, only to remember that this was not them hanging out, but a date.

A proper date.

With a girl.

That was all he had been after all this time, right?

So why, _why_ did he not feel this? Why did he want to jump up and exclaim that it wasn't working out, even though things were fine?

_Maybe the presence of a real girl is intimidating still._

He shook his head at his own thoughts. Could that truly be it? He had never felt sheepish trying to find a girlfriend, no matter how dumb his pick-up line had been. If anything, this here should make him _more_ comfortable, not _less_.

“You're uneasy, aren't you?”

And since there was no use in trying to hide it, he sighed.

“Yeah, kind of. Somehow this is not what I thought it would be like.”

He had said it out loud before registering how plain _rude_ it was, and already raised his arms in defense, his eyes going wide, and began stuttering an apology, but Kimiko shut him down calmly.

“Don't worry, I'm not offended. You spilling your mind is something I like about you, after all.”

Now he felt even _worse._ It wasn't even like he didn't like her, too, but it wasn't much different from what he felt for other girls like Ann or Makoto, other than the fact that he knew those two somewhat better and longer. Was that it? Somehow he had always expected dating to feel more special, more unique. A bond you don't share with anyone else.

“It's just. This is fun, and I like spending this time with you, but it kind of…lacks…some…”

His grasp of proper wording really was something. Gladly none of his friends could call him out for hit right now, because he totally wasn't in the mood.

“ _Oomph_?”

That fit! He nodded vividly. He had ruined this whole thing already anyway, hadn't he? Now he could at least be honest enough to accept and explain that and _why_ it was his fault, not hers.

“Be honest with you, I've always just thought that going on a date or being in a relationship was the coolest thing ever, so I always tried to get to know nice girls. And I appreciate how honest and…normal I can be around you, but it feels more like…friendship. Is that weird? Am I too stupid for this?”

She laughed, and he was glad about that. It was as if this wasn't even surprising to her. She didn't look sad, devastated or upset at all. Had she been expecting this? And if so, why hadn't she said a thing before?

“Maybe you shouldn't force it like that. Relationships usually happen naturally. You know, you _let_ _them_ happen. Find the person who allows you to be yourself and makes you feel at home, but without actively looking for them. I can't say I'm not disappointed at least a bit; I do like you after all. But, you know, watching you at school and now hearing this from you…yeah, I'm sure you've already found them! You just don't know it yet.”

She winked, a wide grin spread all over her face. What was that supposed to mean? Watched him? They weren't in the same class, so that couldn't be it, meaning the only occasions she could be talking about were lunch break and maybe the way from school to the train station. But even then, he didn't have a clue what she was talking about, and tilted his head a bit. He'd already found someone? No, that wasn't true. If that were the case, he surely wouldn't have asked _her_ out. That wasn't the kind of person he was.

“I'm…not sure I follow you.”

“You'll understand it! Really, I actually find it rather cute.”

She sighed, sounding more pleased than hurt, if at all. Just what had this whole thing turned into? Ryuji was nothing but confused at this point, but at least the mood had switched from uncomfortable to relaxed, even if he still felt bad for ruining their time – at least he felt like he had.

“Let's split up, shall we? And don't you feel bad, I still had a lot of fun spending time with you.”

He nodded. Nothing much else he could do.

 

Somehow, he thought during his train ride back home, texting Akira about _how it was_ felt a lot less good than Ryuji had expected it would. What a let-down, really, but there was no reason to deny it, either.

_~Yo. I'm on my way home._

_-Good to hear. Did you have fun?_

_~Eh._

He didn't know how to explain it, and found himself typing different explanations like _'t was kinda lame_ , _I ruined it_ and _could've been better_ , but deleted all of them. In the end, what he did say was:

_~I guess I'm too stupid for this stuff._

_-How so?_

_~Didn't really feel it. She's nice, and hot, no doubt about it. But it didn't feel much different than hanging out with, like._

He found himself stopping right there, almost saying _you_ before realizing how that actually wasn't true.

_~Makoto or Ann. Or even Mishima or Yusuke. You know?_

_-I think. Sorry. Maybe next time will be better._

_~Mhm, maybe._

And suddenly, he felt the undeniable urge to run back to Café Leblanc, even though he knew it was _way_ too late for that now, and forget about all this stuff by reading manga all night or playing a game. It would cheer him up no doubt.

_~I'm pooped for tonight, but we still didn't finish that game, right? If you got nothing else to do tomorrow, I'ma drop by!_

_-Sure. Looking forward to it._

_~Yo!_

Well, at least this was going to be good. There was never a doubt about _that._

 

“Oi!”

Somehow, Ryuji hadn't been able to sleep well that night, which was why he was already over in Yongen-Jaya long before noon. Akira wasn't up yet, but Ryuji didn't mind. He wasn't sure about the others, but Sojiro Sakura – or _Boss_ , which he was more commonly called – the owner of the shop, didn't seem to mind him just going up by himself much. After all, he spent at least every second Sunday of the month here, and it was probably safer to let him move up than risk his loud behavior scare any potential customers away.

Like he had expected, Akira was still sleeping, blanket barely covering him. Morgana wasn't around, but the window was open, so he had probably taken the time to sneak out and do some cat things. Instincts and all that stuff.

For a moment there, Ryuji was seriously considering waking Akira up with a rather loud stunt of any sorts, however decided it was a bad idea. First off, Boss would kill them. But seeing Akira so peaceful, getting the rest he could on his free days – especially since this was their last one for now, as school was starting again – immediately made Ryuji calm down as well. All the bad feelings about his terrible date seemed to slip his mind now, and the only thing he could think of was how they would spend the day and how much fun it would be – because it always was, and even after all this time, he was still amazed every single time just how much being with Akira felt like…

Ryuji's eyes went wide in shock when he suddenly remembered Kimiko's words.

_Allows you to be yourself…_

_Makes you feel at home…_

_Without actively looking for them._

It was like being hit with a brick, and at the same time, all he could think was just how _absurd_ it sounded. Sure, all of these were definitely things that applied to his and Akira's friendship, but that was really all there was to it. _Friendship_. Right? He had never thought about it being anything more than that. Then again, just yesterday he had learned that he didn't even know what _more than that_ even meant…

“That's just a _bit_ creepy, Ryuji.”

He almost jumped up from the sofa. When had Akira woken up? He was sitting upright now, an eyebrow raised at Ryuji absently staring at him for who knew how long now.

“Woah!! Sorry, I was kind of...spacing out. And thinking about waking you up, but then I decided not to, and then…”

“It's fine. I'm awake now.”

It was such an obvious statement that he found himself chuckling, even more delighted when Akira joined in on it. Things were almost _painfully_ easy between them, as if they had known each other forever. Maybe them meeting had been some sort of divine intervention in their lives going to shit back then, because from what Ryuji remembered, things had started to get a lot better since they had become friends. Akira entering his life had not only given him the courage to get back up after all the trouble Kamoshida had caused him, but actually go further and slowly _grow_ into a person he was happy to be. Positive, forgiving, and with actual goals in his life, even if there was no way he would ever become an athlete now. It was alright, because now he knew he wouldn't be alone on his journey, and it was the best feeling he could imagine.

“So, do you want to talk about it?”

He blinked rapidly, not immediately catching up, but then sighed when he understood the question. _Did_ he want to talk about it? It was not like he really got it himself, let alone explaining it to someone else. Kimiko's words were stuck in his head now, and he wasn't sure what to make of them. It was true, Akira was home to him. With him, Ryuji could be free. Next to him, Ryuji felt strong. But what did that have to do with a _relationship_?

“Don't know, man. I like her, she's cool. But it lacked this…special something. She'd be a cool friend, but a significant other? Nah. I feel like an idiot.”

“How so?”

“Ahhhh! She was totally cool about it all. Said she likes me, but understands why I don't feel the same. Hell, man, even _I_ don't understand why I don't feel the same! It's all weird, this love business ain't for me!”

He leaned back and stared at the window, as if the answer were far away in the distance. Giving it some proper thought now, he had never questioned his interest in going after pretty, nice girls. It was just such a natural thing to do – everyone else did it, too, and it made them happy, so why wouldn't it be like that for him?

But considering how terribly wrong it had gone, it had him question even his _physical_ attraction to girls. Sure, it was there, but if he _did_ manage to get close to one, would he act like a total idiot again and feel like it was wrong? The idea didn't sound very appealing; he _so_ wasn't in for repeating the embarrassment he'd just gone through.

“You'll find someone. One day.”

“You tell me! You've gotta be a good…uh, example and all! Show me how this works!”

And for the first time, instead of saying how he wasn't interested in these things, Akira chuckled. How in the world was that funny?

“Are you mocking me, man?!”

“No, no. I simply figured I just as well might. Show you, and all.”

Okay, now he had to be joking. Ryuji had tasked Akira to go and ask some girls to spend time with them on multiple occasions, and he'd never seen any success on that. Was Akira _faking_ it? Was he actually a total chick-magnet and just hid it?! No way, Ryuji didn't accept that. It would be such a huge betrayal.

“Well, about time, man! Think of all the missed opportunities!”

And, weirdly enough, this time the chuckling turned into serious laughter. So genuine and contagious that he had a hard time keeping himself from joining in out of principle. It was so nice and exhilarating to hear.

“I'm not guaranteeing that it helps you in any way, though. Let's get some coffee first, shall we?”

That he could agree on, for now. Whatever was going on here was very confusing, but if it would help him finally understand all this love bullshit, he'd go along with it. Nothing else he could do, after all.

 

“This _really_ is the only tolerable coffee in the world!” Ryuji exclaimed more loudly than needed while they got back up to the attic, which luckily wasn't a problem since there weren't any customers around right now anyway. His mood had changed for the better in basically no time, and now, getting some steam off about how dating totally wasn't his thing and that he'd need to learn about it from the _leader_ – a name usually only given to Akira in the form of Joker, but Ryuji liked it either way – actually felt rather good and comforting. He could get it off his chest without having to fear rejection or being made fun of, so he didn't even try to make it short.

“But the movie, that was really good! Lacked a bit on humor and all, but the hero was totally amazing. Always one step ahead of the villain, and came up with the most creative ways to bypass any trouble on his way. So cool! He kinda reminded me of you a bit!”

Akira smiled at that and leaned back on the sofa, because Ryuji had almost automatically thrown himself onto the bad – a habit from coming home to his own place, and since he had never been called out for it here, he just kept at it. It was an unexpectedly comfortable bed, too. He really adored everything about this room, it was so different from anyone else's, and rather almost empty, yet not boring at all.

“So, you've kept all this prince charming business from me all the time, huh? I'm almost a little hurt here.”

He wiped a non-existent tear from his eye and grinned widely, however still serious about the question. Somehow it felt like he shouldn't give this that much thought, and for some reason, the thought of Akira telling him he actually did have knowledge on dating – or, even more, a _girlfriend_ – made Ryuji feel anxious. Was it because he'd feel jealous or inferior? That had to be it, of course. They'd spent a lot of time since they'd become friends, girlfriend or not, so there was nothing to be worried about. He wouldn't be ditched yet again. Not by his leader. Not by his best friend.

Not by the one person who made him feel like he had a place to call home.

“I'm no prince charming, Ryuji.”

“Mhm, betcha! You're always kinda cocky and know what to say. Damn, both Makoto and Ann totally have a thing for you. But they're both nice, must be hard to decide…”

“They're true friends, but that's about it.”

“Seriously?!”

For some weird reason, he was relieved. They were all friends, after all, and a relationship could make that highly difficult. Yet, the thought of the girls dating even Yusuke didn't bother him a bit. Was it because he didn't feel like it would get in the way of him and his best friend?

“Ahhhh, this is so confusing!!”

“What is?”

“Huh?”

He hadn't noticed that he was shouting that out instead of thinking it, and tried to wave it off immediately afterwards. Being obnoxiously loud and even confusing was nothing new for him, but he still found it embarrassing how little he understood himself right now. Maybe, if he talked about it…would it help?

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

It was a natural question, because he already knew the answer to it.

“Sure. Out with it.”

“So, uh. What do you think being in love really feels like? How would you know you love someone?”

He watched Akira closely, the way he adjusted his glasses and narrowed his eyes, looked away just shortly before facing him again, and then spoke up.

“You just know when it happens. There's this person, and being with them gives you everything life could offer. Sometimes so much that it's not even realistic. It's as if nothing can bring you down, as long as they are with you.”

That was probably the most sappy thing Ryuji had ever heard from him, and it made his jaw drop in awe. All of that did seem very desirable, but even more, it was _exactly_ what he was feeling like right here and now. And because, as always, his mouth was faster than his brain, he said:

“You make me feel that way.”

There was not a single doubt that he was blushing right now. Had he really said that out loud?! Now it sounded like he was more desperate than anything else, and not like the truth, right? In his mind, the term _love_ still didn't feel fitting for it, maybe because he really didn't understand what love meant at all.

“No, I mean. Ahh-”

“I know.”

He blinked. Once, twice, and tilted his head.

“Huh?”

“You're pretty obvious about it.”

“No, no!”

He sat up and crossed his arms, trying to think of how to explain this. Akira was totally misunderstanding him, wasn't he? These weren't the kind of emotions you'd feel for a significant other…or were they?

“Maaan, you got me all confused with this.”

There was definitely no denying the thought of Akira spending time with others, especially girls, made Ryuji rather jealous. He had thought it could make sense if seen from a perspective of getting to spend less time together sometime in the future, but that didn't explain why it made him jealous _now._ They were perfectly fine, more than that. He didn't have room to be envious about something so far away if it were just that.

“I-I don't know. I figured all of this stuff would be easier, somehow. Wait. Would it be weird if that were true? If I, uh, you know?”

_Loved you?_

Saying it out loud didn't feel right, and being as smart as he was, Akira understood either way. He chuckled again. Maybe he _was_ in fact more versed in terms of this whole love mumbo-jumbo.

“I don't think it would. Hey, Ryuji?”

He looked up from the floor he had been staring at, desperately trying to make a sense of all of this. Akira's smile send a wave of happiness through him, because nothing seemed to change even with these crazy unexplainable feelings getting the best out of Ryuji. They were still besties. They would still spend time together just the same as right now. Everything would be fine; or so he hoped, because the words he heard next had him shout _“What?!”_ so loudly that there was no doubt Boss would make them pay up for any potential lost customer it caused. But it didn't matter, because really, that scream was the only possible, _logical_ reply to Akira's smile turning into a happy grin and him actually sounding just a slight bit _nervous_ saying:

“I love you, too.”


End file.
